i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
