its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
