If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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