I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
