thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex