ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
