Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
