I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.