I hate your face
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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