Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
