even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
