Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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