Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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