Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
