she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
