Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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