I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
