You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
