i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
