Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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