I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
