Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
