I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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