I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
