I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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