I'm jealous of your bromance
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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