Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
