Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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