Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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