Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
