hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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