you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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