I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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