Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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