i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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