i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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