I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
