fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dick very happy bro
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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