____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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