so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
