so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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