Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
