Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
