i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
