i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
