Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
