I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
