Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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