I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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