So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
