My pussy is not your playground.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
