If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
