Don't make out with my wife yet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
