Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
