decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
