Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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