Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
