Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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