I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
