Duck Duck Cougar?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
as a side note pls kill me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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