I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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