I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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