fuck your aforementioned shoe
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
