Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
