I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
