Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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