If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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