I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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