Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
