Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
