great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
